We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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