no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
