He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
cat food counts as protein by the way
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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