Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize