No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
