i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
