Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
