some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
