I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
