two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
