Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
