If that was your dad, he is hot
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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