The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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