I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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