yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
