how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
