Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
