she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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