if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
