There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
