If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
