Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
