we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
