Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
