I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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