im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize