She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
