shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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