i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
