Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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