did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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