Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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