No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
