they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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