i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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