dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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