I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
