I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
