How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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