Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
