so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
