got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
