yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The feeling are messing with the penis
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
