how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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