I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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