went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
