Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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