It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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