How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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