Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
