he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
