1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
