Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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