I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize