This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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