whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
