I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
