Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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