I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
