It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
