Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
