Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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