I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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