Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
