Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
