you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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