This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
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TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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