I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
