He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
