I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
