so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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