KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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