listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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