PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
