Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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