I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
