I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
