The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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