Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
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There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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