I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
