guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
