Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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